everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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