better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
