Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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