Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
