I just saw a hot homeless man
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
