Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
