I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
