That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think my vagina is haunted
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
