Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
