There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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