I just saw a hot homeless man
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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