Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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