well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Im part way to drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
