That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
