I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
