I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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