well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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