There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
