I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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