i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
