Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
