she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
