suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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