the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
