Your face is a jimmy john
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
