Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
