his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I currently don't understand fingers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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