did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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