is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Houston, we have a squirter
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
