I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
