saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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