Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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