So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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