Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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