I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
