I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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