I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize