i need an iv and a liver transplant
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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