I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
