the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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