It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
