Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
