dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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