Just cropdusted the office
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Congratulations! We have a period
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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