You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
