Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
