was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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