I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
