I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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