My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
