You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
