I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
