Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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