I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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