There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
