did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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