haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
