I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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