I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
