my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i out mim tonsoeep
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