I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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