Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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