counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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