id be glad to
It's like God shit irony all over that family
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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