It's Friday. Sex?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
